So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
