She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
