You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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