i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
