the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
