No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Even my vagina gasped.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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