dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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