The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
