I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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