too bad you live with your parents still
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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