between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
