Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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