apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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