Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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