so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
