sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
