Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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