i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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