its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
