How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
