You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
