i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
