If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
