She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pooping to opera.
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