It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
