just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
