Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
