so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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