I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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