New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
