TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
