i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
