I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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