i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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