me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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