I puked a lego.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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