I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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