i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
