I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
