I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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