I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
