we have pet lesbian snakes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
