Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
