You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love having hate sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
