I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
