Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
