Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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