when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
