bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
