Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
