when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
