I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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