...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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